please

why do i have to keep up this act of seeing everything as a humbling lesson, as a reason to be happy and to move on when maybe i should just get what i want. can't that happen? or am i just on the path to something else once again?

finding a balance

the perfect way to live life, i think, is finding a marriage of two attitudes: the first is basically extreme confidence, (to the point where it’s almost cocky) and an utter belief and faith in yourself and your abilities, to the point where it destroys all your self-doubt and you believe anything is possible. that way, you not only achieve what you want in your life but inspire other people to do the same by proxy. there’s a beauty in believing your own beauty. 

however, it’s also important to be humble and grateful. because you can’t achieve anything if you don’t have other people believing in you, and you should always be thankful for what life has given you, and the earth and the trees and the stars, and the beautiful things that keep you going. and it’s important to be thankful for not only the people that did you good but also the ones who did you bad, because they both made you learn and grow into a more whole and realised person. and it sort of cancels out the negative effects of having an ego, and it allows you to see the world in the right kind of lens. not rose coloured, but clear, because you don’t need rose coloured glasses to see that all the awesome things that are in the world.

so remember, there’s nothing wrong with going to “kanye levels of ego” as long as you show a equal amount of appreciation for everything that allowed you to get to where you are.

when the girl with the pink hair hits the stage, you'll say you knew here before she began

tonight i'm going to see nicki minaj for the first time and i'm pretty unashamedly excited about it.

here's a few photos of my outfit which i took with my iphone...not as high quality as anything jade takes, but that's not the point.

i've been listening to nicki since the summer of 2008. through that time i was listening to some questionable music and i had a possibly ironic/non-ironic interest in jeffree star (hey, i like c-grade pop music) and she featured on one of the tracks. at this point.

people have raised the point that nicki minaj is "anti-feminist" and that her decision to dye her hair blonde and to get ass implants is some kind of patriarchal set-up...which i personally believe to be a load of garbage.

if you would have told me then, i would have made an effort to come back

in a continuation from what i've been saying about adelaide, i could mention that unlike other major cities, it's very easy to exhaust almost every option of places to and people to see in this city. whenever something new opens up or a new thing is discovered by me i feel a rush of excitement to go there, and then feel strangely empty once i've experienced it. this cycle continues. it never ends. so it reached the point for me that i wanted to delve a little deeper and explore some interesting places that generally aren't meant for the public eye.

jade and i have a knack for breaking into abandoned buildings (usually with the help of our savvy friends) and this friday was no different. we went to a warehouse somewhere north of adelaide and took photos. i have to say that the space is excellent and probably one of my favourite places i've been so far, which is partly due to the awesome art, and the sheer science fiction vibe i got from it. it would be really cool if someone did some sort of party or show in here sometime...if they could pull it off.

after we searched around for a bit, we decided to experiment with different angles and styles of photo. i'd just got my hair done on this day and did not intend for myself to have a purple fringe/bangs.

(i'm wearing a ysl shirt, slim slacks from american apparel, and boots from vegetarian shoes.co.uk)

-jonnoxxx

churches

was thinking about the unique situations of where i was born and raised today. so often i have taken for granted that i reside in a somewhat sleepy capital city called adelaide. i was born in 1992 in ashford hospital. both of my parents were in the room, as well as my grandmother, which she says was one of the most incredible moments of her life and perhaps why we remain so close today. it was around 1:30 in the morning. i grew up to be quiet a docile and quiet child. i was always asking my mother what certain words meant or what phrases meant and that this was one of the few attempts at conversation i would make in between constantly reading (or as my mother would say, devouring) books far beyond my age limit. i have memories of weaving in and out of people on rundle street or on the norwood parade while i clung tightly to my the hand of either my mother or father, feeling enraptured in the feeling of where i was, being jostled continually by a sea of people: and often, this was made all the more hard by the book i would have been reading at the same time. it was impossible for me to stop building my fantasies, and it was even harder for my parents to refuse my invitations into every bookstore i see. the angus and robertson near the crossing in the norwood parade has been visited so many times by me that it is quintessentially one of the things that i remember most about this town. so in this way, adelaide has quite a unique feeling and meaning for me, always the backdrop for some creation inside my head, always appearing over the top of some pages, a glint out of the corner of my eye.

the situations of some people are so helpless and filled with hardships and in comparison adelaide is unspeakably beautiful, like a friend who is always in the corner and will help you out when you're in need. never obnoxious, but exciting in their own understated way. we are not decimated by war or overtly affected by poverty and death. it's so easy to make a mark in adelaide but still the right size to hide when you feel like you want noone to see you. i'm grateful that if i want to achieve something i have just the right amount of people for it to have an effect and for the rest of the world to hear it, while still having the freedom for it to be a practice pad for something else if i decide to reach higher.

when you know the right people a place can be filled with a completely different light: where once before it was tired and uninteresting, it becomes even more like a home, with hidden places opening up like you have a secret passcode, a 2nd home unravelling itself slowly and beautifully. it's like knowing the cheat codes to your favourite video games, like knowing exactly when to jump on that super mario level, and finding the hidden pipe that takes you to the 8th level. with my mind i can paint the city with new shades of gold, and drape the grey with strokes of aquamarine. your location does not define you but the attitude and the things that you make of it does.

from the highest building in the epicentre of the city the roman structures below seem to glow with a light befitting of a city three times it's size. in certain places i'll turn unknowingly down streets and feel like i've captured a little pocket of new york...at least until i reach the big apple myself, for whatever reason.

so much hatred has been aimed at me from the ants in this city, but the butterflies are the ones who matter, and the power of a butterflies wings can cause a cyclone.

you were a medic

Patience taught me that every second was a rabble, full of moments and anxious motives. Trap my broken words and keep them together.
String me out, string my whole rib cage out on your table, dismantle my bones one by one, carefully like a student.
Approach every feeling that I have with a keen eye. Everything you said kept me at bay. What you did was unfair, yet you thought it necessary.
You're just a repetition, a link in the chain I faced my whole life.
I wonder if we can detach and be more than the skeletons our mothers and fathers set us to be. If i wandered over, could I break through, keep a space between my ghost and your shadow?
Whatever you do, law low and keep your ears to the ground when I open up. I am coming soon.

Believe in yourself and believe in the lightning

to make dealing with the dull and discouraging moments of our life it's often necessary to escape to some sort of fantasy. whether that be a complete fabrication or a slight romanticisation of the unique situations in our life depends on the individual. a plane of existence where we call the shots and determine the unique paths we travel in. interpret that as you will.

"believe in yourself and believe in the lightning" was something i said once half-jokingly...and it sort of represents the kind of beauty i see in everyday situations. we have so much untapped potential as stationery, socially adherent human animals. the lightning is that spark inside everyone which carries our true purpose, our "destiny" if you will, and the electricity to carve out our futures varies from person to person.

for many years i was very skeptical about how i felt in terms of my belief system. it's so comforting to believe that there's an omnipresent being guiding our paths and making sure we're doing ok. i often feel like there's some sort of divine energy or energy system leading through all of us and making us who we are. i guess that's my way of coping with the inherent evil and destructive nature of the world and universe. however, i think it's much more romantic to think of the world and everyone on it being spontaneously created for no reason. no god. no mary. no joseph. you know why? this knowledge gives us the power to shape our own destinies and make whatever we want of ourselves, because what could truly matter? nothing is holding you back.

lightning is powerful and beautiful. it's such a teenage thing to believe we're unlimited in our capabilities and decisions. truly, so little people have a strong belief that they have power over their lives. i become more and more attuned to this realisation everyday. it happens everytime i take a step without guidance and i get better with practice.

The symbolism of lightning to me is powerful, beautiful and appeals to me for some unspoken reason. It does bring to mind the majesty of nature, glam rock and david bowie (and thus freedom of self expression), and finally, my childhood: this could probably be to the books i read when i was younger like harry potter. It's dynamic and inspiring.

so, the words put together make the most sense to me. believe in the unique energy you hold over your own life. believe that you have incredible power to change into whatever you want and move in whatever way you feel is natural to you. show the world what you're made of.

-jxxx