Strangeness alighting

zuboutique shirt, american apparel suspenders, cheap monday jeans, tuk creepers, givenchy jacket

These photos are from quite a long time ago. if i recall correctly, this was also the day i met the veronicas and they told me i was pretty....hahaha the best compliment i have received  obviously because the veronicas are like totally the queens of punk rock (not really, but whatever realm they preside over, they are royalty.)

There are some more photos from this expedition back in my archive. Last year I went through a period of making really extravagant outfits and trying to fit as many interesting things together onto an outfit instead of adopting a less is more attitude. It looks cool but I think it just shows what my brain was like and I could refine what I wear more.

Life update: never have to keep you waiting

It's been such a long time since i've updated this blog, especially considering I had promise to update at least a few times a week. I could go back and make posts about everything I should have, but instead I'll just talk about a few things here.

I started roller derby. Doing this has always been something I've passively dreamed of aside from the barrier of not being a girl - which I had assumed to be necessary. However, light city derby is bi-gendered (is that the correct term? whatever, i'm inventing it now) and as such have included me into their "freshies" team which is scary and exciting but overall exhilerating. I've only been to two training sessions but have noteably improved since then. I have: a pair of secondhand rollerblades and a new white helmet, which is predictably going to be decorated by me.

(i'm stupidly wearing green jeans to my first session, ugghhh ok)

My "goth band" now has 4 functional members. I was never cool enough to be in a band when I was in high school and never really had friends that shared the same music tastes as me so that's great.

(not finished.)

-jxxxr

cranes that could be mistaken for notes

My brother’s voice is muffled and half-heartedly interrupting my sphere of sound, the cracked resonance of my sonical understanding. He’s yelling across the length of my house to my mother. “Did you know how much this belt cost? It only cost…it only cost $10 . It only cost $10!” I’m imagining him waving it enthusiastically in his hands, the leather doubled up and bent. Strands of techno weave in and out of his excited tapestry of voice and intent. the room is muggy and i’m slimy with sweat, and none of this is of any matter to me, nothing, because i was only yours for 4 days, and the bed i’m lying in is not yours, i’m just jigsaw pieces that have been upset from a box, i am shattered and porcelain. hard. i was broken the moment you destroyed me with those eyes that have the exact same colour as mine but a different shape. flitting across my face and to the back of the room.

my brother’s voice is drifting across my bed, and he’s waving a length of leather excitedly in his hands. you both share the same name and have the same colour hair. “i got this belt for $10” he’s saying, but i can’t quite focus on his face- when i look at him i see a mirror, while when i looked at you i saw the world.

Hit me with lightning

Who cares? Who really cares if this is real or just a passing phase? If you’re real and honest, then that’s amazing. If not, I’ll be ok. I still believe in the gravity of shimmering moments in between flashes of darkness, I understand the purpose of movement and fireworks. Lightning always happens somewhere even if you aren’t seeing it. Even if i can’t feel it sometimes, sparks are real, electricity is what makes us baby, and you should know we’re all just made of the stars.

please

why do i have to keep up this act of seeing everything as a humbling lesson, as a reason to be happy and to move on when maybe i should just get what i want. can't that happen? or am i just on the path to something else once again?

finding a balance

the perfect way to live life, i think, is finding a marriage of two attitudes: the first is basically extreme confidence, (to the point where it’s almost cocky) and an utter belief and faith in yourself and your abilities, to the point where it destroys all your self-doubt and you believe anything is possible. that way, you not only achieve what you want in your life but inspire other people to do the same by proxy. there’s a beauty in believing your own beauty. 

however, it’s also important to be humble and grateful. because you can’t achieve anything if you don’t have other people believing in you, and you should always be thankful for what life has given you, and the earth and the trees and the stars, and the beautiful things that keep you going. and it’s important to be thankful for not only the people that did you good but also the ones who did you bad, because they both made you learn and grow into a more whole and realised person. and it sort of cancels out the negative effects of having an ego, and it allows you to see the world in the right kind of lens. not rose coloured, but clear, because you don’t need rose coloured glasses to see that all the awesome things that are in the world.

so remember, there’s nothing wrong with going to “kanye levels of ego” as long as you show a equal amount of appreciation for everything that allowed you to get to where you are.

when the girl with the pink hair hits the stage, you'll say you knew here before she began

tonight i'm going to see nicki minaj for the first time and i'm pretty unashamedly excited about it.

here's a few photos of my outfit which i took with my iphone...not as high quality as anything jade takes, but that's not the point.

i've been listening to nicki since the summer of 2008. through that time i was listening to some questionable music and i had a possibly ironic/non-ironic interest in jeffree star (hey, i like c-grade pop music) and she featured on one of the tracks. at this point.

people have raised the point that nicki minaj is "anti-feminist" and that her decision to dye her hair blonde and to get ass implants is some kind of patriarchal set-up...which i personally believe to be a load of garbage.